Angry Letter To The Nigerian Youth (4): Please Marry A Lazy Woman By Bayo Adeyinka
Dear Nigerian Youth,
Twice this week, God spoke to you but you were deaf. You missed the message totally. Not only did you miss the message, you put up the twin messengers on the cross and you are dealing them with the worst kind of blows. In your follow-the-herd mentality that has afflicted your generation, you have only succeeded in demonstrating your crass ignorance and the reason why you may never be taken seriously. Coincidentally, both messengers are old men but you mock them. You may have new clothes even more than the aged but you can never have rags like them. Their ragged experience is by far better than your new age wisdom.
The first messenger brought a series of messages. He gave some pieces of advice to a generation that is wise in its own sight. A harmless advice has now been turned over its head. How come this generation always end up making simple things complex? How come this generation always major on minors and minor on majors? Don't marry a lazy woman, he said. Don't marry a woman who cannot pray for one hour. Most of you are products of prayer but you come online to mock because it feels right to do so. Instead of lending your ears, you say the mouth of an elder is smelling. Just how did you think the elderly got their sunken eyes? It's because of what they have seen and experienced. As for you, you're like a dog destined to be lost and you're deaf to the whistle of the hunter.
You know what? Go ahead with your schemes. Marry a lazy woman. It is within your rights. Go for a couch potato. We are in the modern world. As long as she can apply good make-up, wear designer shoes and sun-glasses and update her status on Facebook while twerking regularly, that's all the qualifications she needs to get Mr Right. Who cares if she can do the dishes when there's a dish-washer? Who cares if she can make her own bed when she can hire a domestic help? Who cares if she can cook when Domino Pizza is still selling their franchise all over the nation? As for you modern lady, young men care more about how good you look than how well you cook! They will rather discuss your Peruvian and Malaysian weave-on than Italian cuisine. If they are hungry, they can go to their mothers- or help themselves. Whoever said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach has never met the 21st Century man.
And as for prayers, marry a lady that will take your problems to Agony Aunt. Taking them to the Lord in prayers is so old-school we don't even sing the song in church again. Your knees are so delicate you shouldn't even kneel down before God. Marry a woman who will rush to update your situation on Instagram instead of updating God instantly. Don't be bothered that she can't pray for one hour- as long as she can watch the whole series of Lekki Wives in one fell swoop, you're good to go. Prayer is so outdated. Making long prayers is so so outdated. What will she do when challenges of life come? So easy- she will twerk at them. The devil hates twerking and can't stand it. A family that twerks together stays together. Marry a woman who has tweeter handles but handles nothing else. We are trying to save your chicken from impending death but it's still hell bent on going to the refuse dump for its meal. What an elder sees while sitting, a young man can never see even if he stands. Bae, you can spend one hour applying concealer, mascara and lipstick on your face that you can't carry for twenty four hours but you can't spend one hour praying for a home that you hope to sustain as long as you live. In the voice of Lagbaja, "mo sorry fun gbogbo yin o, mo sorry fun gbogbo yin lo kokan".
Hey girl, marry a man that is jobless. Marry a man who can take off his shirt but can't take out the thrash. A perfectly toned man is better than a perfectly toned wallet. A man with six packs is better than a man with six figures. Romance is better than finance. Marry a man who has no ambition and has no clue about where he is going in life. Marry a man who lives on you and feeds off you. Marry a man whose only property is what is within his trousers. As you lay your bed, so you will lie on it. Silly working girl, hear me: love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. Your eyes 'will soon clear'. No one tells a blind man that the market is over. If he cannot see, at least he is not deaf. Marriage is hard work, if you don't know. Too much of Kim Kardashian has robbed you of reality. Marriage is not Indian film.
You think the guy loves you when all he loves is your wallet. In the words of the elder who should know, "Even if he says he's a contractor, ask him to show you evidence of the contracts he has done because you may just be the contract". When you cry eventually, no one will be there to comfort you. I trust your fellow ladies: they will even laugh at your misfortune. You know women are the enemies of women. You will think you are trending but all they do is to help you trend your misfortune on social media. Is it any wonder your parents could hold a marriage together for 50 years but you can't even hold yourself together? The values they hold so dear have been devalued by you. Now, you're of no value.
By the way, what's your own issue with the dressing instruction a man gives to his employees? If I tell my staff I don't want tattoos, how come that is now your headache? He said his employees should not wear beards- how has that become your concern? Your joblessness is a major cause of worry.
And then there's the second 83-year old elder who was sent as a message of sorts to you. In my side of the country there is something called 'aroko'. Aroko is a form of communication which is usually non-verbal. The 83-year old man that you derided so much for being made the Chairman of a parastatal was a message sent to you. Instead of burying your heads in shame and covering yourselves in sack clothes and ashes, you are demonstrating the only thing you excel at doing- internet hooliganism. You should be worried that very few people in your generation have been found worthy of holding such a position on trust. The few times you have been given this kind of opportunity, you have proven to be worse than the geriatrics you complained about. Your generation inspires no confidence and engenders no trust. The stealing appetite of a man supposedly at the departure lounge is restrained while your own is uncontrolled. Generations before you stole in millions but you steal in billions. Generations before you kept stolen money in Swiss accounts but you keep yours in Panama. Your generation only knows how to wear t-shirts and carry placards. Your generation only knows how to hurl insults on Facebook. Your generation has no fresh ideas. The best of your generation is one Dino who may soon become your President. You laugh? While you're wasting your time using your scarce resources to buy internet data to fight over him, he's making himself relevant. Hardly does a day go by without a discussion about him. While you remain anonymous, he is always in the limelight.
Sit down and think. Stop in your tracks for a while and have a time of deep reflection. Consider these two messengers and their messages. Life does not discriminate. You need to face it fair and square. You have a lot of growing up to do. You are way behind in the scheme of things. Life has left you behind. There is a lot of catching up to do.
I'm afraid for you.
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